Why Exposures Feel Impossible with OCD (And How to Do Them Anyway)

If I had a dollar for every time someone with OCD said, "I just can't do exposures," I'd probably be writing this from a private island. The fear is real—exposures can feel dangerous, irresponsible, or completely impossible. When your brain is sounding the alarm at full volume, it's no wonder it feels like too much.

Here's the truth: The problem isn't that you can't do exposures. It's that nobody has shown you how to do them effectively. Traditional ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) often gets presented as "just face your fears until they go away," which is about as helpful as telling someone with depression to "just be happy."

Let's break down why exposures feel so impossible with OCD and how to approach them in a way that actually works—without losing your mind in the process.

Why Your Brain Fights Exposures So Hard

When your therapist suggests touching that "contaminated" doorknob or purposely having the "what if I harm someone?" thought, your brain essentially throws a five-alarm fire drill. But why?

The Control Paradox

Your brain has been working overtime trying to solve your obsessions through compulsions. The big lie OCD tells you is: "If you just check one more time/wash one more time/analyze this thought one more time, you'll finally have certainty and peace."

This is what I call the control paradox—the more you try to control your unwanted thoughts and feelings, the stronger they become. It's like trying to hold a beach ball underwater; it takes constant effort, and the moment you get tired, it pops up with even more force.

The False Alarm System

OCD has hijacked your brain's alarm system. Your amygdala (the brain's fear center) is firing when there's no actual danger. Asking someone with OCD to do exposures feels like asking them to walk into a burning building—the fear is real even when the danger isn't.

The Misunderstanding of Success

Many people believe the goal of exposures is to make anxiety disappear. When that doesn't happen immediately, they think they've failed or that "exposures don't work for me." This misunderstanding makes exposures feel like an exercise in futility.

Rethinking Exposures: It's Not What You Think

Traditional ERP often focuses on "habituation"—the idea that if you stay in a scary situation long enough, your anxiety will decrease. While that can happen, it's not actually the main goal. Let me blow your mind for a second:

Exposures Aren't About Feeling Less Anxious

Say it with me: "The goal of exposures is NOT to feel less anxious."

Wait, what? I know, that sounds like therapist crazy-talk. But stick with me.

The actual goal of exposures is to practice having uncomfortable thoughts and feelings WHILE still doing what matters to you. It's about training your brain that you can function even when anxiety is present.

Exposures Are Actually About Values

The question isn't "How do I get rid of these obsessions?" but rather "How can I live meaningfully even when obsessions are present?"

Exposures should connect directly to your values—the things that matter to you. Want to be a present parent? That might mean having those "what if I harm my child" thoughts AND still being able to play with your kids. Want to have meaningful relationships? That might mean feeling relationship uncertainty AND still showing up for your partner.

Exposures Are a Form of Self-Compassion

This one's counterintuitive, but exposures are actually an act of self-compassion. By avoiding the things that trigger your OCD, you're shrinking your life smaller and smaller. Exposures are about reclaiming territory that OCD has stolen from you.

How to Actually Do Exposures Without Losing Your Mind

Alright, now for the practical stuff. Here's how to approach exposures in a way that's both effective and slightly less terrifying:

Focus on Willingness, Not Anxiety Levels

Instead of rating your anxiety from 0-10, rate your willingness to experience whatever shows up. Can you be willing to have that "what if I left the stove on" thought without fighting it? Can you be willing to feel the discomfort of uncertainty?

This subtle shift changes everything. You're no longer trying to control something uncontrollable (your anxiety level); you're practicing something within your control (your willingness).

Start Where You Actually Can, Not Where You "Should"

OCD loves to make you feel like a failure. Combat this by starting with exposures you're genuinely willing to try, even if they seem "too easy."

Connect Every Exposure to What Matters

Before each exposure, ask yourself: "How might doing this help me live according to what I value?"

Touching a "contaminated" surface isn't just about touching something gross; it's about being able to go to your friend's house for dinner. Driving without checking isn't just about not checking; it's about being able to get to work on time and be fully present.

Common Pitfalls in Exposure Work

Even with the best intentions, there are some common traps people fall into when doing exposures. Let's identify them so you can avoid them:

The Reassurance Trap

OCD is sneaky. It will try to get you to do exposures while still holding onto subtle reassurance behaviors. For example, you might touch the doorknob but then "casually" check your hands afterward.

These subtle reassurance behaviors are like giving OCD a little snack—it might quiet down momentarily, but it'll be back hungrier than ever.

The White-Knuckling Trap

Some people try to do exposures by gritting their teeth and fighting their way through anxiety. This is like trying to swim upstream—exhausting and ultimately counterproductive.

Instead of fighting against the current of your anxiety, practice opening up to it. Notice the physical sensations. Get curious about them. This isn't about enjoying anxiety; it's about changing your relationship with it.

The All-or-Nothing Trap

OCD loves black-and-white thinking. Either you're doing perfect exposures every day, or you're failing completely. This trap leads many people to give up entirely.

Remember that imperfect exposures are still valuable. Did you only touch the doorknob for 10 seconds instead of 30? That's still 10 seconds of practice your brain didn't have before.

The Unexpected Rewards of Facing Your Fears

When you start approaching exposures with willingness rather than trying to eliminate anxiety, some surprising things happen:

You Develop Psychological Flexibility

You learn that you can have uncomfortable thoughts and feelings AND still function. This skill extends beyond OCD and helps with all of life's challenges.

Your Values Become Clearer

When you're constantly focused on managing anxiety, it's easy to lose sight of what actually matters to you. Exposure work reconnects you with your values and helps you build a life worth living.

You Experience Freedom, Not Just Symptom Reduction

The goal isn't just to have fewer OCD symptoms; it's to be free to live your life regardless of what thoughts and feelings show up. This is true freedom—not the absence of discomfort, but the ability to move forward with it.

The Bottom Line on Exposures

Exposures aren't about being brave enough or strong enough. They're about being willing to have uncomfortable experiences for the sake of what matters to you.

Your OCD will tell you that you can't handle exposures, that they're too dangerous, or that they won't work for you. Remember that these are just more thoughts your mind is generating—not facts.

The question isn't whether you can eliminate anxiety through exposures. The question is whether you're willing to have some anxiety while reclaiming your life from OCD. And even if that willingness is shaky at first, that's okay. Start where you can, and remember that every step, no matter how small, is taking you in the direction of freedom.

OCD wants you to believe that safety lies in certainty and control. The paradoxical truth is that freedom lies in the willingness to experience uncertainty and to loosen your grip on control. It's not easy, but it's a path worth taking.